Iggy's Journal
by Fangalicous08
Summary: Iggy: I got my own journal! W00t! So, read to see what happens to me on a daily basis. R&R?
1. Chapter 1

-looks around stealthily-

-does random flip-

Hey guys, it's Iggy...

So...Skits is asleep with her fiance, Damien. Yes, she's engaged, again, she's getting married, again. And her fiance is here for the second night in a row. More on Damien in a bit, first I must tell you something.

Whatever you do, NO ONE tell Skits about this. She has no clue I'm doing this. She never wanted me to have my own journal-ish thing. So, I snuck on here to make my own. The only person that knows before I post this is Rain, so, shhhh...I'm going to try to keep this under wraps.

Anyway...I figured that it's not fair for Fang to have a journal and I don't. Just not fair. I mean, sure I have a Skype and he doesn't...but he has his own Twitter and I don't! And the journal! That's unconstitutional! So, here I am.

Now, more on Damien. He is an OC from Saint(you know, St. Fang of Boredom)'s original story, Wolf Eyes, that she wrote for that NaNoWriMo thing...Yeah. He's a wolf. A werewolf. Perfect because Skits is an immortal.

But...you didn't hear that from me...Shh...

Just forgetta 'bout it. -fails at attempt for the Mob-

Anyway, so, Saint just threw him to us when she went to bed and now he's asleep...holding Skits...-gag-

And I'm doing this.

Which she better not find out about or I'm dead.

So...here's something that may entertain you. Skits' improv while singing the national anthem. Of the U.S. Yeah, have nothing better to put down...

* * *

**Oh, say can you see**

**by the dawn's early light**

**what so proudly we hailed**

**at the twilight's last gleaming**

**O'er the ramparts we watched**

**I don't think that is right...**

**I should probably learn my own national anthem**

**But I am too lazy **

**To go to goo-gale**

**to find the lyrics for two weeks of the snow**

**Oh say does that star spangled banner yet wave**

**o'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.**

* * *

Yeah...

Hmm...Well, we had Damien's bachelor party last night....

Such fun...

_~You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals. Let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel~_

Good song.

Damien showed it to us.

Go look it up on the epicalness that is YouTube.

Bad Touch by The Bloodhound Gang.

Anyway, random clips from the bachelor party.

_

* * *

_

**Iggy: RUSSIAN STRIPPERS!!!**

** Erik: WOOT!!**

** Russian strippers: -give lapdances-**

** The Cat: ...I don't have a lap...**

** Iggy: Sucks for you.**

* * *

I just heard an alarm clock go off across the street...

* * *

**Ari: Wait, Damien, isn't skits already married?**

**Iggy: Her divorce was finalized today.**

**TC: Vera said she got divorced... I think...**

**Ari: So, yesterday, Damien was technically hitting on a married woman.**

**Iggy: Yup.**

** Damien: -shrugs- It happens, man.**

**

* * *

**

**Max: So... can I stay?**

**Iggy: No...**

**Fang: Rwar!**

**Iggy: Unless you let me do this. -humps-**

**Max: ...**

**Iggy: Okay, you can stay. -humps again-**

**Fang: MR. TUMNUS!!!**

**Max: ...**

**Fang: -hiccup-**

**Erik: Damn, he's a cheap drunk...**

**

* * *

**

Oh, yeah, it's mating season for me and Fang.

Fang is getting all lovey with Saint.

She's playing hard to get to annoy him.

And she shoots me anytime I try to make a move.

I think after Justin, we should be able to do things...

-shrug- -yawn- Alright, well, I'm tired. So...yeah...I'm going to end this. Remember, don't tell Skits.

SHHH!!!!!


	2. Chapter 1's success

Chapter 2!

So, chapter one seemed successful. You all liked it. Skits still has no clue what I'm doing. She thinks I'm emailing one of her friends right now. Oh, how wrong she is.

She did get a bit mad at me, though.

See, she had two emails, and they were both from FF.N, but they were for this, so I took the laptop and deleted them, after reading the review of course, thanks Caris L. Clearwater.

Anyway, so, I'll just tell you random stuff about my day.

I woke up, I got some juice, I checked Skits' email for reviews/faves/alerts for this, deleted those, went back to sleep, woke up again when Skits tackled me, found out that Survivor and that we "ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY HAVE TO WATCH IT" because "RUPERT, who is the BESTESTESTEST person that has EVER been on Survivor EVER, IS BACK". Then I got more juice and ate a hot dog.

Interesting day, no?

We're having tacos, too.

Apparently it's some sort of 'tradition' in Skits' house. Thursday night is taco night. They eat tacos and watch Survivor.

I've never actually seen Survivor, except for the random bits I've watched with Skits' parents.

She didn't want to watch last season, but now that Rupert's back, she's all for it.

And she's now jumping around happily. I swear that girl is on drugs...

She's been going on about which is better, tomatoes or maters.

Are they not the same?

Freaky redneck...

Skits: I have $80! WHOO! THANK YOU SAINTS! -hugs TV-

Me: Yeah..........Wow, that's weird, I put me instead of 'Iggy'. Huh.

Yeah, her parents made her a bet that the Colts would win the Superbowl.

Wrong.

They lost $80.

So...Now what do I say?

I really don't know...

So, I'll stop...

I'll update soon. Later. Sometime.

Bye.


	3. Sickly Suggestions?

-munches cookie-

So, since Skits is distracted with baking, I decided to update this. I must admit, for someone that cooks as well as Max, and that is actually quite sick at the moment, Skits is almost as good of a baker as I am. We could totally move up to Canada and live alone with these skills.

We wouldn't even have to buy anything. Skits is great with guns and archery. Well, her aiming's a bit off, but still. We could have moose everynight!

Yeah...that's probably not going to happen...

Anyway, so, I'm going to just talk about random stuff until Skits is either done baking or has another one of her 'episodes'. Yeah, not going to get into that. That's her business...

But it sure freaked Saint out last night. She almost stole a helicopter and flew down here. THAT is true friendship.

So, other than all the tweet whores being sick, nothing else has really happened.

I went to see_ Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief_ last night with Skits and one of her friends. Good movie.

Um...let's see, what else...

I spent the night with Fang the other night after the wedding. -winkwink-

~_1, 2, 3 not only you and me, got 180 degrees and I'm caught inbetween~_

Yeah...Fun times, fun times.

Oh, and the wedding. We had that Thursday night.

Epic. Freaking. Epic.

I mean, really, that was the best Skype wedding I've been to.

Not only did I get to spend time with my Fang, but there was this attack...Wow, just, great.

Though Evil has been set loose because Hades can't get a good guard. -shrug- Not my problem.

Dang...this is hard to do without someone else to talk with...I mean, how do you keep up a conversation with yourself?

Obviously like this...

Well, tonight we're supposedly going to see _Valentine's Day_ for one of Skits' friends birthday party. I'm not sure if we'll be going because Skits is sick...Personally, I think she should stay home...Kara(FlockUpdates/Karecitay)thinks she should go.

-shrug- Not my choice, but she still has an hour and a half.

So, that brings me to ask you all a question. I'm sure all of you have had a sibling, or a cousin, or someone that was sick, right? And they complained about how they felt like death, or something like that, right? Well...how do you make them feel better?

Wow...Me, actually trying to make someone feel better.

Dammit, this girl is growing on me.

So...what do you all think? And I can tell you now, and suggestions that involve kissing or anything like that, out of the question...

I'd like to keep the ability to have children in the future.

Crap...Skits is coming, sorry this was kinda short, remember, I have to sneak to write these.

Well, leave me some suggestions. Bye.

-Ig


	4. Interview with Skits

So, Skits is home sick, and I stayed home just for the heck of it.

And she and **Vera Amber **are now having a contest to see who can update the most of their stories first.

Like, say, V updates 3/5 of her stories, and Skits updates 3/4 of hers. Skits would win 'cuase that's 75% and 3/5 is only 60%. Get it? Yeah, that's basically what Vera said as well.

Anyway, now I've got to come up with something to actually put in this update...-thinks-

...

...

...

I've got it! Why don't we interview Skits? I mean, she's sitting right here. -points to Skits-

Skits: -waves-

Me(This is weird, I'm so used to Sktis being 'Me' and me being 'Ig'): Yeah, let's interview her, shall we? So, Skits, how is your day?

Skits: Fine. Just feel kinda sick, really hot...Wanna turn up the air for me?

Me: Do I have a choice?

Skits: No.

Me: -gets up- -turns up air- -sits back down- Alright, so, what brought along your idea to have this contest with Vera?

Skits: -shrugs- I'm a competitive person, and, yeah...I look for any kind of contest.

Me: What have you updated so far?

Skits: Randomness and RDG.

Me: How is RDG updated? You haven't put the chapter up.

Skits: But I've finished it, and if it doesn't get put up today, well, I can't help that. I sent it off to my beta, and I can't control when she can get on and beta-read. So...

Me: Alright, well, what's your favourite story that you've written?

Skits: I like 'em all, why else would I write them?

Me: Touche...Well, what's your favourite quote from each of your fanfictions?

Skits: I'm only going to say two of 'em, 'cause these stick out in my mind. 1, from Secret Life of the Canadian Teenager, "Guys don't faint...we drop to the floor in a manly way from shock." And the second is from Ouija Board 2, "So I should sleep with the possessed boy to stay safe?" -Max

Me: What time is it?

Skits: 12:10 PM EST

Me: Who's your favourite singer?

Skits: Mack.

Me: That's already famous.

Skits: Um...I don't know...way too many...

Me: Are there any songs you think totally fit Maximum Ride?

Skits: -nods- Me Against the World by Simple Plan. It's like it was written for MR. I LOVE it!

Me: Care to sing a bit of that?

Skits: -shrugs- Sure. -sings- We're not gonna be just a part of their game, we're not gonna be just the victims. They're taking our dreams and they tear them apart till everyone's the same. I've got no place to go, I've got no where to run, they love to watch me fall, they think they know it all. I'm a nightmare, a disaster, that's what they always said. I'm a lost cause, not a hero, but I'll make it on my own, I've gotta prove 'em wrong. Me against the world.

Me: -claps-

Skits: -bows- -goes into a coughing fit-

Me: And I guess that ends this interview. -gives Skits water-

Skits: Grazi.

Me: Alright, so...

What now?

Um...

...

..

..

.

Yeah, I think this was actually a good update.

Kinda.

And I'm going to end it with this, in case Saint's reading this.

"The one...holy crap, Stevo's grabbing his dick." -Matt

Heh...yeah...long story...

Skits: I FOUND FROMO! WHOO!

Me: -facepalm-


	5. Skits is a Smart Girl, Trust Me

I don't care who you are or what you say, Skits will be fine on her own.

She's done two things I honestly wouldn't expect her to do just looking at her.

Skits: -smiles-

Me: She told off a "gangsta" and ran down the street screaming "STRANGER DANGER!" at the top of her lungs. Here, lemme explain. First, the gangsta:

"Skits&I: -sitting in the library at the computer-

Gangsta guy: -walks in- -sits at the computer beside us- -turns to little kid beside him- Yo, why don't'chu get off and let my homeskillet here sit there?

Skits: -glowers at him since the kid he's talking to is, like, 7-

Gangsta guy: Yo, you in the red shirt. -is speaking to Skits-

Skits: -looks up still glaring- Mhm?

Gangsta: My homeskillet here thinks yur pretty hot.

Skits: -rolls eyes- -flips off gangsta- -turns back to computer-

Gangsta: -continues to run his loud mouth-

Skits: -gets annoyed, posts Randomness chapter we typed up, stands up at computer-

Me: -follows suit, but doesn't expect what she does next-

Skits: -grabs bag- -starts to walk away- -turns to gangsta guy still flappin' his jaw- Hey, "homeskillet", look I hate to break this to you, but you ain't no damn gangsta. This is (insert our town and state here, but just so you know, we're country hicks, so...), and trust me honey, there ain't no gangstas down here, no matter how much you wish you were one, you're not. -points to gangsta's "homeskillet"- This guy, he ain't your homeskillet, he's your "bud" or "pal". You don't say "Yo", it's "howdy" 'round these parts. You're ass ain't gangsta, you were born in a hick town, you're livin' in a hick town, get used to it redneck. -walks away-

Me: -gapes-

Gangsta: -gapes-

Gangsta's "homeskillet": So damn hot...look at how her ass moves side to side when she walks... -looks at me- Yo, she yours? If not, care to hook me up? I'd like some of that ass.

Me: -glares at "homeskillet"- -flips off "homeskillet"- -follows Skits out-"

Skits: THAT'S what happened when I left. -glares- I'll kill his "gangsta" ass...

Me: And now the stranger danger...

"Skits&I: -walking home- -Skits starts running and gets a good bit ahead of me-

Creepy Guy in Truck: -slows down when he gets up to her- Hey, you need a lift?

Skits: Nah, I don't really feel like being raped and killed today. I think I'll take a raincheck. -speeds up walking, by this point I'm about caught up with her-

CGiT: -laughs- C'mon, honey, I ain't gonna hurt you. Just hop in. Let me take you home, what do ya say?

Skits: What do _I _say? -clears throat- -starts running while yelling at the top of her lungs- STRANGER DANGER! RAPIST ON THE LOOSE! STRANGER DANGER! STRANGER DANGER! HELP ME!"

I've never seen a pick up truck drive off that fast.

Skits: Me either.

Me: Though she can do that, she still pulls some dumbass moves..She walked half-way home barefoot, now her feet are totally scratched up.

Skits: :( It hoits.

Me: -pats head- It'll be okay. Alright, so that's it for this...

Skits: -waves- Bye!

Me: Yeah...ditto...


	6. Chapter 6

Ig:

Skits has been bugging me to update, so why not do so now? I can't exactly get her laptop, so I'll just write this on her iPod.

We're watching The Land Before Time. Skits and I? Childish? Never...

Skits: -sniffle- His momma...;(

Me: Ok...we're a little childish...

Skits: Wait...tree stars are just leaves? How did I never piece that together until now?

Me: And Skits is kinda slow...she also understands the title now. God help her.

We've also discovered that dinosaurs were very prejudice. "Three horns don't associate with long necks."

Skits: Holy Schneider its the Great Valley! Look Ig! The Great Valley! Aww they found their families. -wipes eyes- So sweet.

Me: Aw...Next movie! -switches movies-

So, yeah...I don't really know what to write about. I'm not like Skits.

I want a tree star...

Mum: I think they're oak leaves...

Skits: Ok. I get tree stars and sky water...but...swarming leaf gobblers? What're they?

Me: Cicadas?

Mum: -nods-

Me: Ok...back to something to talk about...  
Um, well, I promised her I'd do this, so

HI BELL!

Erm...dunno what else...

Skits' dad is cooking out...-sniffs- Smells good...

Skits: Gay men are nice! I like them.

Me: ...what did I miss in that conversation?

This is Skits and her family. There's no telling.

Skits: So, after reading 5 books that mention faeries, today I realized I've been spelling it wrong my entire life.

Me: Fail...

-short time lapse-

Skits: Spike?... No that's the other one's name ...

Mum: What?

Skits: That T-Rex they meet! Wait...was his name Rex? ILL ASK CHACHA! ...later...  
OH HE WAS CHOMPER!

-time lapse-

Me&skits: -sings- Big big big big water...

-Even longer time lapse-

...has this been enough for an update? Ahwell. I'll count it as one.

-Ig


	7. Update and POLL

Well, Rhodes told me a while ago I needed to update this, so I guess I'll do that now.

It's almost six in the morning and, yes, Skits and I have been awake all night. There was a slight scare Wednesday night, if you follow her on Twitter I'm sure you saw her freak out over that. If you don't, well, let's just say around 4 AM there was apparently some loud noise that Skits paid no mind to, writing it off as something, just, snapping on it's own.

Turns out, someone had broken the little panels on either side of the window AC unit thingy. Also took some stuff from the cars and backyard. So, I come home (as I had been in Washington with Aragorn at the Cullens') and Skits is, like, dying from no sleep, talking to Saint about what had happened.

So, tonight, armed with a baseball, we stayed up. She, too paranoid to sleep, and me, well, if I fell asleep she'd flip out. And since I really have nothing better to do as she reads some fanfiction on her iPod, I guess I could update you all on _my _life. Because, well, things have actually happened.

First and foremost, apparently I...am magical. I spare you some details, I'd hate to scar an readers, and I'm not even sure what this is rated. But, apparently, I have the ability to impregnate men. No clue how that happened, kinda cool though.

So, when I first learned this, I had impregnated Fang. Literal impregnation. He carried the baby and everything. It was...weird. He ended up going into labor at a time most unfortunate, as Carlisle was busy...so Skits and Saint had to deliver the baby.

It was also around that time we discovered that I had _also_ impregnated Aragorn. Yes, the one from _Lord of the Rings_. THAT Aragorn. Though when we first met he hated me, we somehow got past that and, I can only say, that I am in love.

Skits: -gag-

Me(This is weird...): But you can sit there and read fluffy, corny, cheesy Klaine fiction without a negative sound effect?

Skits: Klaine is amazing. You and Aggie are cute, but your constant canoodling gets a bit icky after a while.

Me: -sticks tongue out- Anyway, as I was saying, Aggie got pregnant. He had twins. Little Gregory and David. (Fang had a girl, named Calista.)

But, there's another curious thing. Not long after Fang got pregnant we had a slight...mishap with a taser. I was turned into multiple animals, and by the end I was left with this.

-swishes cat tail-

Weird, right? So, now I have a cat tail.

Another interesting thing? Upon impregnating Aragorn he had some...interesting new appendages. He grew wings and a tail.

Apparently my 'magic' forms whatever it needs to reproduce, this will include giving a man a uterus...and apparently, giving a man a tail and wings.

It's rather odd, I don't understand it myself. I actually think Skits or Saint had some kind of story planned to be written about it. I don't know. I hardly know what I'm saying right now, so I apologize if this makes no sense.

But, to sum it all up, I am not married to Aggie, with two kids, twin boys, David and Gregory. Fang and I also had a daughter named Calista. Aragorn has wings and a tail, and I have a tail.

This has been an odd time for me. I don't understand.

Skits: Oh, don't forget to mention whatever it was you wanted to say about Fang to embarrass him.

Me: Ah, right, thank you Skits. -searches through Skype conversation- If only I could remember what it was I was going to say to embarrass him. OH! Hear it is.

Okay, here's a little poll, to see who's actually reading, _and_ to embarrass Fang.

Leave a review and answer this:

_How many of you think Fang likes Saint?_

Skits: And by 'like', we mean 'love'.

Me: Yeah, so, basically, how many people reading this find it quite obvious that Fang has a thing for our dear St. Fang of Boredom?

Skits: And be sure to tell your friends to stop by and tell us _their _answer as well.

Me: Because we're awful people to Fang.

Skits: Only because we love him and it's so much fun.

Me: -nod- This is true. So, click that button down there and tell us!

-Iggy out!


End file.
